Wacky In-Law Wednesday

Begging for a Baby, Part 1

Who would have ever imagined that the chaos that comes with a baby would start before there is even a baby to speak of? For my husband and I, the baby chaos began before we even got married. On the verge of engagement, many relatives thought it appropriate to ask when we planned on having children. This didn't bother me much; I just don't find it proper to ask a couple still in the dating phase what their very serious long-term plans are, because they could change at any minute.

What DID bother me is when we did become engaged and announced the date for our wedding. Did you know that planning a wedding in just under three months automatically makes you a candidate for pregnancy?  A short engagement couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I had just accepted a job far away, we were moving, or just wanted a simple wedding that wouldn't require much work to assemble. Dear friends and family members assumed I must have a baby on board with such a quick agenda. Well I'll tell you the truth, and that was that the joke was on everyone who assumed I was pregnant. My now-husband and I had been together for two years already, and been talking marriage since month three of our relationship. We already knew when our wedding would be, even before he put a ring on it. Yes, I'll admit that my stomach looks a bit like a bump in my wedding photos, as noted by a cousin of mine. Why? Because I let people talk me into a dress that was not my top pick, and happened to be several sizes too big. When altered, the shape of the dress changed entirely, and highlighted my stomach more than I had hoped for. A recent college graduate is expected to be carrying a little more weight than usual, and you can bet mine was from a cheeseburger (or two, or three, or many,) not a baby. 

I cannot even count how many times I was asked if I was pregnant that summer. I tried to shrug it off with a smile, but it was hard. Many people asked repeatedly, like they thought I was lying and would change my answer if they prodded more. These were mostly people very close to me, and I was shocked to see that they didn't believe me. I finally had to tell them that they needed to study up on how babies were made, then realize that there was no possible way for me to be pregnant. 

I guess these people finally got it through their thick skulls that I indeed was not pregnant. So what did they do the moment we returned from our honeymoon? Prod about when we were planning on children! It amazes me how people will pry into someone else's personal life to inquire about such a thing. It wasn't that these people (uh-hem, relatives) were being polite in their curiosity. They were downright demanding. They were pushy. And when I told them that we wanted to wait at least two years before having children, they were just plain rude. As I discussed in my last post, I am a bit OCD; so it should come as no surprise that I have a sort of timeline for my entire life planned out. This included graduating college before marriage, waiting two years before having kids, and so forth. So far my plan was working, and I wanted to stick to it. Not for the sake of just sticking to a plan I made when I was thirteen or so, but for the sake of common sense and logic! I wanted time to enjoy with my husband before kids stepped into the picture. Being married at a fairly young age, I also felt that we needed to grow up a little first. We needed to get accustomed to big kid jobs, paying bills, and basically just being adults.

Stay tuned to read some SHOCKING tale of pushy people praying for me to have a baby. (Hint: It's Wacky In-Law Wednesday, isn't it?)

XOXO- Barnyard Baby Momma

Wacky In-Law Wednesday

Begging for a Baby, Part 2

We already established that people were anxious for my husband and I to have children, much more so than we were. I probably didn't go a week without some form of this conversation coming up with a relative. Why are people so pushy? Did they want to put forth the time, energy, money, and effort to raise more children? My view is that they had their time already. But it turns out that is exactly what it was. These people wanted us to have children, so they could have grandchildren, or great-grandchildren. I found this completely absurd. I recall with great detail one particular family dinner where I lost my cool with one particular relative. It went something like this:

Relative 1: "Speaking of children (note: how does this subject come up so much?), are y'all ready to start having them yet, or at least thinking about it?" 

Me: "No, no. We are far from it." 

Relative 1: "But you said you were waiting two years, and it has already been one and half. That would mean you need to be pregnant already or very soon."

Me: "No, I meant that we wanted to be married two years, then have children. Two FULL years to enjoy each other's company."

Relative 2: "But it's not fair! I want to be able to hold my great-grandchildren before I die. You need to hurry up."

Me: "First off, it's none of your business when we decide to have children. Secondly, you have other grandchildren you can push to have children, because we just aren't ready. Thirdly, if you'd stop smoking like a chimney, maybe you'd live long enough to see your great-grandchildren. If you don't butt out, maybe we just won't have any children. How do you like that?" 

Also note that I had a fork in one hand, and a knife in the other when this went down. We were right in the middle of dinner! Having lost my appetite with this conversation, I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I of course broke down and cried. My husband and I had already been trying. I was haunted by the single pink line on a white plastic stick. Though we really had intended to wait two full years, we decided that we were ready to start a family. Even though we knew it would take awhile, I had a secret fear that I was infertile, and would never be able to conceive. (A pointless fear, as proven just a few months later.) 

Nonetheless, my strong words made a slight impression upon those pushy people, who left me alone for awhile. Awhile being a month, maybe two tops, where there was no mention of children. Then I realized they were still talking about it, just not to me. My husband and I (and his entire family) went on an annual summer trip out of state. I had just finished a very busy year, so I dared to indulge in some alcohol in public. We were on vacation out of state where none of my students would see me; I was going to enjoy it! Mind you, I don't drink much, and I have a VERY high tolerance, thanks to some German blood pulsing through my veins. At one particular lunch, my brother-in-law offered me some fried pickles, one of my former favorite treats. I turned them down, because for some reason the smell of pickles had inexplicably been making me sick for months. Two relatives, sitting directly across from me, exchange glances and immediately start whispering behind a menu. 

Relative 1: "She must be pregnant." 

Relative 2: "No, surely not. Look at how much she has had to drink this week!" 

Relative 1: "Maybe she doesn't know." 

Relative 2: "Or doesn't care." 

SERIOUSLY?! What kind of person did they take me for? 

I'll admit that this is all funny now, but still gets my blood boiling a little, thinking about what I put up with for two years. I tried to convince my husband that when I did get pregnant, we should withhold telling these people for as long as possible, for payback. Lucky for them, he talked me into playing nice, and we told them at two and a half months... 

Stay tuned for the first 'hilarious' tale of our pregnancy journey and those dear, dear people who were of course on their best behavior... Yeah right. This is a barnyard. No one is on their best behavior. Not even relatives. 


XOXO- Barnyard Baby Momma