The average toddler or young child asks hundreds of questions a day. The average grown-up asks thousands, at least when it comes to probing about a pregnancy... Okay, probably just dozens; but when these questions are asked over and over, it feels like thousands. When word got out that I was pregnant, I was flooded by these, particularly by nosy in-laws. I'm even willing to bet that these are the top 17 questions pregnant women must answer. (Or ignore!)
How many times a day are you throwing up?
Zero. Okay, go ahead and hate me. I never got morning sickness. I did lose my appetite, but it was not because I was puking up my guts every day.
Are you eating right?
Unless you are a registered dietitian or my OBGYN, you have no business inquiring about my eating habits.
Are there, like, a million things you can't eat yet?
No. Once again, I don't know if I'm lucky, or the stereotypes portrayed on television are just so far fetched, but I only found two things I couldn't eat for nine months: fish and eggs. Honestly, neither one was a huge deal. I could still eat my three favorite foods: french fries, tacos, and ice cream.
Are you craving anything weird?
Not really. I would say I ate more hot fries than usual, but there were never any weird combinations. Pickles and cookies, no thanks!
When is your next doctor's appointment?
Great grandparents-to-be asked this the most. I never got the complete obsession of when I was going to the doctor... It's not like anyone besides my husband was getting an invite. (Not that he had the option!)
What did you do at your last doctor's appointment?
Something about the older generation again... And I'm talking they wanted details. Let's just get this out of the way now: I am a VERY modest person. Or at least I was pre-baby. Asking me intimate details about my doctor's visits was a good way to get me bent out of shape. There is no need for you to know about me peeing in a cup or stripping down for an exam... You know.
Oh my gosh, you let your husband go to the doctor with you?
I realize that 50 years ago this was not the standard, but times have changed. Over the dozen or so visits I had to the doctor, I probably saw less than five women without their husband or significant other. Men tag along to be supportive and stay in the know. My husband was not the type that asked questions, but he did learn a lot, and it was a lot easier for the doctor to explain things than have to hear it from me!
What diapers will you be using?
Though I did my research early in the game and made a firm decision (hey, you have to register eventually!), was there really any need to know when I was only a couple months along? Side notice: No, I do not need your advice on what brand to use.
Will you be breastfeeding or using formula?
Wow! I was asked this question an innumerable amount of times. I'll be honest, I did not know for a long time, and I still didn't feel like the people asking needed to know. Once again, a lot of unasked for advice.
If it's a boy, do you want to have him circumcised?
People get really into asking this, but I was so NOT going to be talking about this. I never even thought about even thinking about it, until we knew the gender. Since I was having a girl, I never even had to think about it, let alone make a decision.
Will you co-sleep, use a bassinet, or a crib?
All I hear with this question is "I have some more unwanted advice to spew at you, with some very firm opinions on the matter." No thanks, I'll pass.
Is it a girl or a boy?
I'll tell you when I know, and when I want you to know.
What if it's twins? It has to be twins!
Yes, there is such a big chance it could be twins, what with there being one set of twin great-aunts on my side of the family, and none on my husband's side. (Grandparents and great grandparents-to-be swore they ran on his side, but no examples were ever produced.) Seriously, what did you expect me to say? That I'll give you one, because no one in the history of ever has been able to care for more than one baby at a time?
Do you want a girl or a boy?
I want a happy, healthy baby. Is there really any other answer? Okay, secretly I was hoping for a girl, but I would have been more than thrilled to have a little boy as well.
What names do you have picked out?
Blank and blank. Like I'm really going to tell you? Maybe I want it to be a surprise when my husband and I reveal the gender.Maybe I don't want someone else stealing my baby name. And maybe, just maybe, I don't want you to go buy and personalize approximately 10,000 onesies with my baby's intended name.
Will you name it after me?
Knowing what a creative person I am, do you think I would settle for giving my baby a repeat name? Not a chance. It's one-of-a-kind, and that's all you need to know.
When do you to want to have the next one?
This one is barely in the oven. Hold your horses. An acceptable time to ask this question would be... Never.
Now my forehead is sore from palm-facing while re-living such obscenities. Be on the look out for more palm-face inducing tid-bits.
XOXO- Barnyard Baby Momma
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