Father Funnies Friday

The Disappearing Act

Last week, I left for work a little earlier than usual, so I could try to get a head start on my day. I asked my husband to make sure everything was set out for the sitter, lest she have to go through my cabinets and such to find things. Not even five miles down the road, I get a phone call. It's my husband. I think something must be drastically wrong. What could have happened in five minutes you ask? Maybe he discovered the deep freezer stopped working in the middle of the night, and all of the milk was ruined. Maybe our less than half-a-year-old daughter that cannot even stand yet jumped out of her play pen. Maybe the sitter called to cancel last minute. My mind flashed among scenarios like this as I reached for the phone. (I swear, I am NOT paranoid... Just worrisome at times.) I pick up the phone.

"Honey, where are the bottles?" Really. That's all he called for? I am about to have a mini heart-attack, and he just wants to know where the bottles are. Wait. What did he just ask? Really? Did he just ask me where the bottles are? Of course they are in the same cabinet they are every day Wait. Did I move them? No. Definitely not. I replied, "They are in the cabinet." He said he had already checked the cabinet. I start worrying again. Did I leave them out to dry? Are they in my diaper bag? His diaper bag? No. No. No. They are in the cabinet. I ask him to check again. Same response. If I have to turn around and show him that those bottles are in fact in that cabinet,  I'm going to do nefarious things. Though I had literally tidied up the cabinet the day before, I ask him to start emptying its contents to find the bottles. I know I put them right in front. Why would I hide them? He is getting angry, telling me they are clearly not here. I hear the sitter in the background, saying something in the background. Great, now we are making a scene. My husband declares loudly, "I just don't see them on this shelf, I give up." This shelf? Hello, the cabinet is made of... TWO shelves. I said two words: "look up." Instantly he asks me when we started keeping things on both shelves, because it started as one. I told him it wasn't important, and to have a good day. What I didn't tell him? We've had stuff on the upper shelf for over a month.

It got me thinking about how my husband has a problem finding anything in our house. He is constantly telling me that I re-organize and move things around too much. I RARELY move anything, and if I do, I always pull him aside and specifically point out where I put it. Our daughter is several months old now. Do you think he would fare well if I quizzed him on where we keep her things? This past week, I experimented. I periodically asked him to fetch me things: a bib, burp cloth, bassinet sheet, our baby's pajamas, socks, wipe refills for the diaper bag, a teething ring, baby nail clippers, and just for grins, a baby blanket. (All of the blankets from the usual repository were in the dryer... He had to literally think out of the box on this one!) If I was to give him a grade, I'd say my husband would score around a 50.

I'll admit, it's not just baby stuff that 'disappears' when I'm gone. It's everything. The remote, the phone charger, his favorite chips (okay, maybe I ate those...), the spoons, his shoes... It never  ceases to amaze me. I feel like we are living Night at the Museum, where everything comes to life at night. Except, instead of night, it's when I'm gone. And, instead of creepy statues and odd taxidermy, it's everyday items in our house.

Do things grow legs and walk away when you leave your husband at home? Let me know!

XOXO- Barnyard Baby Momma